December 31, 2014


Miami Beach, December 2014

Lucy diagnoses Charlie Brown’s seasonal depression as pantophobia, fear of everything. Wikipedia’s definition: “a vague and persistent dread of some unknown evil.”

A coworker my age died unexpectedly last month. What started as a cough turned out to be stage four breast cancer that had metastasized to her lungs. Soon after she was diagnosed, she was gone.

Every death recalls every other death.

A good friend in Miami. Arline’s best friend from high school. Our black lab, Pogo. An elderly woman who lived in our building.

Every death recalls every other death.

Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, Eric Garner. Israel Hernandez, tasered to death by Miami police for painting graffiti. John T. Williams, a carver of the Nitinaht tribe, killed by Seattle police for brandishing a carving knife.

Unknown evil? White supremacy holds tight. I have to look hard to see it at work in the world, listen hard to hear it. The excuse for the ideology of white supremacy is my safety.

Vague and persistent dread. Paralysis. Wariness. Withdrawal.

The end of the year comes.

A wise friend says: Out of every death comes a birth.

What slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

The daylight is lengthening, although it doesn’t seem to be lengthening. I pray for hope, a vague and persistent hope.

About allisongreenwriter

Author of The Ghosts Who Travel with Me, a memoir, and Half-Moon Scar, a novel.
This entry was posted in Death and dying, Faith/belief and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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